I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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