We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
