I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
