well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
