made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
