My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
