i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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