THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
