It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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