I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I looked at my own cervix.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
