The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize