twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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