im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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