so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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