You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
