woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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