one might say we're banned from that church
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
