I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
