Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
