Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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