Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
