i don't like sucking hair
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
