Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
