if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
