either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
