im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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