yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
