He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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