i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
