we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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