just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
