just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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