Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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