he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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