you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was like eating out sand paper
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
