peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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