so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
