He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
