Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
