Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
