Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
