That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
