Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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