____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
