don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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