I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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