Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
