Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
