i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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