your parents love me but you hate me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
