Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
