I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
