She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
