where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
