I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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