I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
