The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
