I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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