What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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