Pants 0. Shit 1.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
