Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
