the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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