it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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