if you like me you must not know who I am
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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