Im at strip club and am horny
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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