I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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