I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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