Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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