also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
