this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize