If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
