shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
